Like the way I do
by alreadyinhell
Summary: AU: Piper and Alex meet as teenagers, we see their friendship/relationship grow and develop. Set over the course of a few years. Vauseman central. Warning: reference to unhealthy/abusive relationships.
1. Nowhere to Go

Fifteen years old and far from stupid Piper Chapman had sensed her parents' upcoming divorce for a long time. What she hadn't predicted however, were the repercussions. She didn't quite understand the incentive to move away, she had figured that her father wouldn't be staying with them anymore, but her mother's decision to uproot their family and move state completely was one that had taken everyone by surprise. The Chapmans were one of those families that just stuck around, the kind of well-off white people of which the foundations were built for an entire community of other well-off white people. It had just kind of been assumed that they'd be staying there for good. Piper was actually somewhat surprised that her mother had actually got the balls to leave her father in the first place, as a child she'd always been given the impression that it would be improper. Or at least that's what her mother had always seemed to think, especially considering her father's infidelity had been no secret as long as she could remember.

_A seven year old Piper stared wide-eyed into the park across the street, her friends' pleads for her to follow them went unnoticed - she hadn't realised that she'd fallen behind. She felt a strange mix of emotions heavy in her stomach, like a ball of lead rooting her to the spot, as she witnessed her father in a passionate embrace with a woman who was most definitely not her mother. She took half a step towards them, wanting to cry out and ask what was going on. A seven year old Piper didn't understand. However, there was a gnawing feeling of doubt in her brain, something that told her approaching the couple would not be a good idea. Her friends had lost patience with her by this point and had returned to drag her off into their next game, oblivious to the fact that she was upset. She shook them off, giving some excuse about having a stomach ache, and ran home to her mother._

_Lingering just outside the kitchen Piper felt suddenly anxious to cross the threshold, she could her the bustle of cooking noises as her mother made dinner and wiped her eyes with her sleeve as she tried to think about what to say. Even as a child Piper hated confrontation. _

_That night she lay awake and thought long and hard about the conversation she and her mother had had when she approached her in the kitchen. She cried as she remembered the calm but cold way her mother had spoken at first, and she cried even more as she remembered the way she'd yelled. She didn't understand what had happened, why her mother had so forcibly explained to her that people shouldn't talk about things, that it was impolite._

_"Piper!" her mother said, almost yelling now, the cold tone she'd been using only moments ago disappearing and her voice coming out sounding strained and anxious. Piper stood trying not to cry as she watched the way her mother lost the calm, polite exterior that she was so accustomed to. Carol Chapman was almost shaking with rage, her hair falling out of place as she shook her head at her daughter's words. _

_"I don't want to ever hear you making those sorts of accusations again!" She continued, the young Piper had tears in her eyes now, staring up at this unfamiliar side to her mother. "It's dangerous, it's impolite..." Her voice softened now, she took a minute to compose herself, tucking her hair back behind her ear and clearing her throat. She bent down, now at eye-level with her daughter._

_ "You don't know what you're talking about sweetie" Piper remembers the strain in her voice. "Now, go to your room. And don't go talking about things you don't understand." _

_Piper remembers pausing outside of the kitchen and hearing her mother begin to cry. _

_She felt much older than seven lying in bed that night._

_There were several more incidents with her father like this over the years but Piper didn't dare approach her mother about them again. She didn't tell anyone, not even her brother, Cal. There were times where she thought about bringing it up to her father, she got the feeling he knew she knew, but she never said anything. She had learned her lesson. The Chapmans didn't talk about that sort of thing. They weren't the type to confront each other, it wasn't 'proper'._

Piper had always done well in school, not amazing, but well enough to get by without any trouble. Same with her social life, in a society where looks were a large factor in popularity and status she was among those lucky enough to do alright, not quite the best looking girl around but but still very pretty in a conventional sort of way, with her blonde hair that was well past her shoulders in length and her pretty blue eyes. At fifteen years old and living in Connecticut she was just your average teen, she never got into any trouble and was a member one of one those large groups of girls who all seemed to blend into one. Her and her friends frequented the local mall and had sleepovers and did girly things which seemed to please her mother to no end. Piper could've been a member of the average American family, with their big house in the suburbs and attitude that just screamed 'uptight!' the Chapmans could have been the poster family for the American Dream, at least before the divorce. It was bland. Boring. Piper couldn't help but feel like she was settling.

* * *

Despite how hard she tried not to, Alex Vause couldn't help but overhear the excited murmurings of the group of girls behind her, they were crowded around the latest addition to the class like she was a shiny now toy. Alex frowned to herself, trying in vain to pay attention to her book. At least it wouldn't last, she thought. Soon they'll realise that this new kid is just as uninteresting and samey as the rest of them and the noise'll die down again. She pushed her glasses up her nose and continued to study the same sentence she'd been trying to concentrate on for the past five minutes. Her glasses were slightly too big for her head, her mother said they'd last longer that way.

At fifteen, Alex was a good few inches taller than the rest of her class. She was also already very good at reading people, and she'd never really been good at making friends.

At fifteen, Alex was stubborn, she stuck by her theory that the reason she had never been good at making friends was that the people she had to choose from were all judgemental assholes.

At fifteen, she had a point.

_A very young Alex practically stormed into her mom's car, slamming the door and sitting in silence as she went over what had just happened, practically radiating anger. _

_"Those are bobos. Real Adidas have three stripes not four, your shoes are bobos." Jessica Wedge looked down at Alex's shoes, the amusement showing on her face, before scrutinising the rest of Alex's outfit._

_Diane Vause, Alex's mother, was going on about something as Alex sat in silence in the car, not paying attention to her mother's ranting. She looked down at her shoes, and hastily started to take them off before throwing them out of the window in a fit of rage._

_"What the fuck was that?!" Diane yelled, looking at her daughter in disbelief._

_"I'm not wearing those anymore, they're bobos." Alex retorted, too young and much too angry to realise the money she was wasting by throwing out the shoes._

_"Go get em back." _

_"Jessica Wedge says they're lame."_

_"Fuck Jessica Wedge!"_

_Alex looked over at her mother, she could feel the anger burning a hole through her cheeks and clenched her fists. Alex was an angry child. Angry at her mother for not understanding, angry at her father for not being around, angry at Jessica Wedge and her other classmates for being such stupid bitches, and angry at herself for not being different. As a child she couldn't help but feel like the world was ganging up on her, and she was angry because it all seemed so unfair._

_She grew up fast, and by thirteen Alex was still angry, but in a much more subdued way. She no longer blames her mother for anything - she understands now how much she does for her, and she's become tough. Sarcastic and cold, at thirteen Alex is kind of an asshole._

Finally she just gives up and shuts her book, letting out an audible sigh of irritation that she just _knows _gets her a few glares from the group behind. They won't focus on her for more than a second though, not today.

* * *

Despite her feeling like she needed the change, Piper couldn't help but be anxious about starting at this new school in this new place, miles and miles away from where she was used to. Her friends back in Connecticut had done the whole heartfelt goodbye thing, she had all their numbers and had promised to call, but she knew that the friendships wouldn't last. Her anxieties had lessened slightly when she noticed the large group of girls who she couldn't help but think looked familiar, she supposed that each school had that one group that was practically the same the world over. Average. They had accepted her with open arms, excited about the fresh meat, and she quickly fell back into step with a lifestyle that she'd become accustomed to. Nothing really changed, she thought, no matter where she was there was always the same rut for her to fit into. She found that she was slightly disappointed by this, she'd had visions of reinventing herself in the move here, becoming this cool mysterious new version of herself, but she was just the same old Piper, the slightly nerdy but ultimately average thirteen year old.

"Ugh, loser." One of the girls muttered, in reference to the loud sigh that had just come from the dark-haired girl in front. They were in English class and the girls were taking advantage of the short amount of time before the teacher arrived to interrogate the new girl, AKA, Piper. She knew they were being loud but she still felt somewhat offended by the girl's noise of complaint, clearly the other girls did too because they proceeded to go on a long rant about how rude she was. Piper just sat in silence, only half paying attention to the lecture she was getting about the girl in front, who she now knew was called Alex. She felt slightly jealous of this girl for something that she couldn't quite put her finger on, it was perhaps her originality, the way that she practically smelled of cool, which was strange because she was clearly nothing like the 'cool' kids. At this point the girl, Alex, turned round; she caught Piper's eye and the look she gave her was practically sarcastic, and definitely not a pleasant one. Piper could feel herself going red, angry at the fact that one simple look had made her feel like this girl thought she was inferior. It was something she couldn't stand, in this moment - out of the petty immaturity that comes with being a thirteen year old in a school full of cliques - she decided with utmost certainty that she really hated this girl, it was a hate fuelled by jealousy and embarrassment but there was just something about her that rubbed Piper the wrong way.

As a child Piper had developed a temper, probably out of frustration at the Chapman household policy of 'Nobody has any strong feelings towards anything ever and everything is always fine all the time.' It was a side of her that nobody expected to exist, and one that she spent a lot of energy pretending she didn't have.

* * *

Alex smirked as she looked away from the girl, both surprised and satisfied with the reaction she'd gotten. She hadn't expected the look of anger, or the blush for that matter. A preppy blonde girl with a temper. She went back to trying not to listen to what the group was talking about, trying even harder now that the conversation had turned back to her. She tried to convince herself that she didn't care what they thought of her, that the insults meant nothing, it was a practice she'd grown accustomed to since the first time she met Jessica and her mob of cronies all those years ago. But she was still young, and not quite as tough as she thought she was, and in that moment she desperately wanted to go home. Still, she couldn't hear the new girl's voice making any contributions to the ridicule as of yet, 'I obviously can't have made that much of an impression' she thought to herself, although secretly relieved that she couldn't actually hear what the blonde thought about her.

_'I don't need them.'_

_'I don't need any of them.' _

She thought over the words that had become her mantra.


	2. Brave and Crazy

A few weeks into life in her new town and Piper had settled in nicely, she'd already developed friendships stronger than those she'd left in the town she grew up in, one in particular with a girl named Polly. She had also started seeing a boy named Jason, something that her mother was very enthusiastic about.

Jason was one of the most sought-after members of their year, and Piper was happy. She didn't know why she liked him so much, the two had next to nothing in common and he was kind of a jerk, but he was the first person she'd ever had feelings for. And, at fifteen, she was absolutely convinced it was more than a crush. Because of their status as one of the it-couples of the year she had also struck up a friendship with one of the girls who had been among her initial welcome party when she first came to the school, Jessica Wedge, whose boyfriend was Jason's 'main man', as he called it. Polly would joke that Jessica was the Regina George of West-high, the comparison was strangely accurate.

Everything about the relationships and friendships that made up their group was very constructed, polished, nobody seemed to quite be exactly themselves but nobody complained either, it was the sort of picture-perfect group of friends that was supposed to be the dream of every teen.

She hadn't had any run-ins with the mysterious Alex Vause, but she still looked for her everywhere - insistent on fuelling her hatred. She had even recruited Polly onto the bandwagon, although it would probably be fairer to say that Polly enjoyed bitching far more than she did. There was something hesitant about Piper's hatred, she knew it was petty but she was stubborn and jealous and convinced herself at every turn that it was justified, Alex was definitely an asshole, despite the fact that the two had never actually had a conversation.

* * *

Alex and Nicky lounged lazily on the bleachers, surrounded by a graveyard of cigarette butts. It was a sunny day, a couple days after Alex's sixteenth birthday, and they hadn't moved in hours. Smoking at such a young age earned them an abundance of snidey 'we're so much better than those losers' looks from their classmates, but they rarely noticed and never cared. If Jessica was the Regina George of the school then Nicky was most certainly Janis Ian, the rich popular girl turned burnout, complete with lesbian rumours. She was also Alex's best and only friend. There were a few others who joined them on the bleachers some days, but they weren't really friends, just people as unmotivated as they were.

"Hey Vause, this girl keeps staring at you like you just murdered a puppy." Nicky laughed, watching Alex's reaction and wondering what she could have done to get such a look from the girl.

Alex sat up, looking across the field at the girl who she presumed Nicky was talking about and started to chuckle. It was that Piper girl from her English class, and the description Nicky had provided of the way she was staring at her was alarmingly accurate.

"Come on, what is it?" Nicky was getting impatient with the way Alex was just laughing, she was curious as to what her friend had done to get such a look. "What'd you do?"

"I don't even fucking know" Alex just kept laughing, she felt like she should be seriously offended by the death stare but it was so utterly ridiculous and unprovoked that she couldn't see it as anything other than comical. Her laughter only seemed to make things worse, she watched as Piper's eyes narrowed, her face reddening, but she just couldn't help herself. Piper finally looked away when an arm appeared behind her waist and she turned to talk to that Jason kid, a pang of some unknown emotion went through Alex at this, and her laughter faded.

Nicky broke the silence; "What a fucking weirdo. Light me?" Alex moved to get her lighter as Nicky propped yet another cigarette between her lips. It was going to be a long day, she thought to herself.

* * *

It was Friday night and Piper was headed out to the cinema with Jason and a few of their friends, she couldn't really remember what they were seeing, some sort of romantic comedy or something she presumed, thinking back to their regular film choices. It was her first proper date with Jason which was, well, her first proper date ever really, a fairly innocent but oh-so important thing when you're thirteen. She had just finished getting ready when there was a knock at her bedroom door, she groaned, this had been expected. Her mother had appeared to warn her of the perils of boys, she thought Ever since the divorce her mother had become much more interested in her life, which was something she was still getting used to, it seemed that she was trying to compensate for uprooting their family by giving awful advice. Thankfully at that moment the doorbell rang, she rushed past her mother - who looked utterly unimpressed by the whole ordeal - and ran to get the door, pausing to make sure she didn't look a mess. A few minutes of awkward conversation ensued before she was escorted outside, and then they were on their way. There was something different about Jason tonight though, Piper frowned as he grasped her hand, practically dragging her along the sidewalk. He seemed cockier, and he kept making oddly suggestive comments that made her feel nothing but uncomfortable. Was this what dating was like? Her frown deepened as she thought this over.

* * *

It was getting dark outside the cinema, there were mere minutes until the movie was supposed to start and she was still waiting on Nicky, late as usual. She didn't really mind though, it wasn't as if she was dying to see the movie anyway, it was just some shitty comedy. But Nicky had forced her into letting a ticket be bought for her and so here she was, waiting. It was another few minutes until she saw a familiar mane of messy hair walking up the road towards her.

"So we just gonna stand out here all evening or what? C'mon Vause we got a movie to see." Nicky sauntered past her, on her way through the doors. Classic Nicky, she thought, an ass as always. Shrugging, she followed, at least they wouldn't have to wait through the previews.

Walking into the theatre they noticed that a large portion of the seats were taken by what seemed to be half the school. It wasn't a big town, and there wasn't all that much for minors to do on a Friday night, the cinema was a popular place. Nicky and Alex shared a look of 'for fucks sake' before making their way to some of the few available seats. Alex watched as Nicky went and sat down, motioning for her to follow, and as she was walking up the aisle she noticed something, Nicky was sitting right behind Piper fucking Chapman. Alex froze and as if on cue Piper looked up, they locked eyes for just a moment and Alex felt like the girl was trying to use her eyes to burn holes into her own. She gave her a smirk, playing it cool, before going to take her seat. Looking over at Nicky who seemed to have found the whole ordeal insanely amusing.

"Fucking jerk." Alex shoved her friend, but there was a grin on her face, this Piper girl may have some weird hate thing going on but Alex felt she was somehow above that, she couldn't see it as anything but immature, and she didn't let it get to her.

It wasn't long into the movie when Alex noticed something going on in the seats in front, Piper and her boyfriend had been exchanging the occasional kiss and such but now she watched as he moved her hand onto his crotch, whispering something in her ear.

Alex nudged Nicky, pointing out the couple's antics.

"I came here for a comedy not a fucking porno Nicky, why'd you pick these seats?" The display was making her feel really uncomfortable although she wasn't entirely sure why. She tried to just focus on the movie.

Evidently, this proved to be a hard goal to achieve, she really couldn't stop herself from noticing the forceful way Jason was being with Piper, and how she pulled away almost at his every touch. Not surprising, Alex thought, he even looked like a massive fucking jerk-off. However, she couldn't help but feel concerned for the girl.

Piper's distress was really beginning to show. Her whispers had become slightly louder than intended and Alex could hear the alarm in them. She glanced along the group that the couple was with, amazed that none of them had noticed the ordeal taking place. Suddenly Piper rose and began to walk down the aisle towards the door, without thinking, Alex followed, glancing back to Nicky she mentioned something about the bathroom and hurried off behind the blonde.

* * *

Piper rushed into the bathroom, she could feel the tears on her face and the familiar prick of anxiety in her throat. She needed air, water, something. She felt like it was hard to breathe. Bracing herself against the wall of a toilet stall she locked the door and tried to ground her thoughts. What was Jason doing? Why was he being like this? If she'd known this was what he wanted she wouldn't have come out at all, she was fifteen for Christ's sake! Practically a child! She felt breathless again. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on her breathing. 7,11. In, out. She heard the door burst open behind her, and before she could bring herself to move or even open her eyes someone spoke.

"Are you alright?"

The voice was husky, deep, and full of concern. She'd been expecting one of her friends but she couldn't pinpoint who the voice belonged to, although she knew she recognised it from somewhere. And then it hit her. Oh. She began to panic again, she'd totally forgotten about Alex's presence in the cinema with all that had been going on.

"Go away!"

She had meant to yell her reply but her voice came out weak. Why did Alex follow her? She was well aware that the two girls were far from friends and Piper was entirely certain it was mutual, even if she couldn't figure out the exact source of her feelings herself.

"Just open the door, Piper."

She couldn't help but notice the concern in Alex's voice, although she really didn't understand why. She could use a friend right now but not her, never her. It was none of her goddamn business anyway.

"Just leave! It's none of your business Alex just go away!"

Sounding convincingly angry that time, she heard the door again a few seconds later and she knew the other girl had gone. A part of her cursed herself for sending Alex away, but she just couldn't deal with anything else right now. She waited until she had calmed down and felt ready to return to her seat, she thought about how it was probably normal for him to be like this, he was a few months older than her after all, she convinced herself that she was the one being an ass and went to sit down and apologise. But still, she felt on edge and uncomfortable the whole way through the rest of the movie.

She also couldn't stop thinking about Alex Vause, having to resist the urge to turn around as she felt her stare on the back of her head.

* * *

Alex left the bathroom quickly, feeling like a complete ass for even trying to be nice to the girl. She had no idea why following her had seemed like a good idea, she just figured that she would need someone and her 'friends' sure as hell weren't going to help. Practically fuming with anger she took her seat.

"What was that about?" Her friend questioned.

Alex rolled her eyes, "don't even ask."

They watched the rest of the movie in silence, although Alex had to try and stop her thoughts from veering towards kicking Piper's asshole boyfriend in the back of the head.

They said their goodbyes as they left the movie theatre, Alex and Nicky lived in opposite neighbourhoods and it was a rare occasion when they got to walk the same way home. Alex stopped a little way away from the door to light a cigarette and noticed the 'happy couple' having a talk in the mouth of an alleyway down the road. The strange concerned feeling bubbled up again as she saw the panic on the face of the young blonde, her boyfriend pawing at her clothes, he looked slightly angry now as Piper pushed him away for what seemed like the millionth time. Alex watched with alarm as he pulled her deeper into the alley, away from the theatre and the crowds on the road. Without realising what she was doing she started walking towards them, something was wrong, this shouldn't be happening. As she reached the mouth of the alleyway she heard him yelling something about it being only fair, he paid for the movie, and she watched in horror as when Piper pushed him away he grabbed her hand and shoved it down his pants.

"What the _fuck_ do you think you're doing?" Alex cried out, she hadn't even thought about it she just needed to stop this.

Jason turned round to face her. Alex was tall for her age, but he was a pretty big guy and as he approached her she felt a stab of fear in her stomach. She ignored it and her eyes went to Piper as he asked her to leave. She looked terrified, there were tears in her eyes and a look of absolute horror on her face as stared between Alex and her boyfriend.

"_Fuck you._" She spat, before gesturing to Piper "Come on, we're leaving"

She knew as soon as she'd said it that she'd made a mistake, and it wasn't on Piper's part this time, Piper moved towards her but as soon as Jason saw this he became red in the face, he wasn't used to being challenged, much less defeated, and in a panic he lashed out, catching Alex a nasty blow to the side of the head. She cried out in pain before steadying herself and trying to hold it together, although she could taste blood.

Jason looked between his fist and Alex, panic written all over his face. He was going to get in trouble for this, he thought. Feeling the need to justify himself he yelled out;

"I didn't even... It wasn't... It was, like, your fault anyway, Dyke!" He started to run in the opposite direction, wanting to get as far away as possible from this date gone sour.

Alex wasn't even looking at him by this point, she turned and grabbed a hysterical Piper by the arm, feeling the road twisting beneath her feet she tried to walk away, but only got a few metres before everything went black.

* * *

As Alex started to stumble Piper made a weak attempt to support her weight but the two ultimately ended up on the ground, she just lay there for a moment, overcome by tears and with absolutely no idea what to do. She knew there was no way she could call her mother, she wouldn't be able to bring herself to tell her what had happened and with Alex bruised, unconscious and stinking of cigarette smoke there's no way she'd believe that she was the good guy any case. So, instead, she began to search Alex's pockets for a cell phone. She found what was probably the most battered and sorry looking phone possible and soon was dialling the number she found listed under 'MOM'. As the phone rang she cursed her impulse decision and hoped to god that Alex's mum was the understanding type.

"Alex? Honey, I'm working can you make it quick?"

Piper suddenly felt immensely guilty for bothering Alex's mother but she was still unconscious, she needed to go to the hospital and Piper knew it. She made an attempt to stifle her tears.

"Ms Vause? It's Piper here, Alex's, uh, friend. Something's happened..." She could feel a sob stuck in her throat, overwhelmed by the situation. "Alex is hurt, I mean, she's been hit, she's unconscious. I'm so sorry for calling but I didn't know what else to do"

There were a couple seconds of silence on the other end of the line, to Piper it felt like hours.

"Okay hon, where are you? I'm coming to get you guys."

Piper hadn't even realised she was holding her breath but she exhaled with relief before running off the name of the cinema and hanging up the phone. She began to move Alex into a sitting position but as she did so the girl let out a loud groan, starting to mumble something about not wanting to get up yet. Piper breathed yet another sigh of relief and, to her own surprise, began to laugh. It was out of relief more than anything though, relief and panic mixing to make some strange cocktail of insanity. She was just happy that Alex seemed capable of waking up. It was at this point that a rather battered looking car pulled up beside them and a relatively young looking woman came rushing out.

"Alex!" Concern radiated from the voice of Diane Vause. Piper looked up at her for a minute, startled by how much of Alex she could see in the woman's face.

Between the two of them they managed to get the deadweight Alex into the back of the car, Piper took the front, unbearably nervous about having to speak to the mother of the girl she was sure she absolutely hated only a few hours ago. All of this seemed silly now as she turned to face Diane, watching as the woman gripped the steering wheel with white knuckles, worry prominent on her face. She turned to face Piper;

"What happened?" She asked, the pain was audible in her voice.

This was the part Piper had really been dreading, having to explain what had been going on. She could just lie, she thought, say that someone just jumped her or something. No. Alex's mother needed to know the truth, needed to know the stupidly brave thing her daughter had done for someone that she barely even knew.

"Well..." She started, aware of the way her nerves were obvious as she spoke. Her explanation of events continued almost all of the way to the hospital. She thought about how her mother would be expecting her home by now, almost speaking up to ask for a lift, but she knew this was more important, she would get home at some point. This was going to be a long night, she thought to herself.


	3. Nervous

Weeks had passed since the incident outside the cinema but the remnants of what had been a big purple bruise still covered the left side of Alex's face. Looking in the mirror, she sighed to herself, at least the concussion was gone. Making her way outside for a smoke she thought back to what her mother had said to her when they left the hospital;

_"I'm proud of you, kid. Even though I wish you wouldn't be so reckless sometimes, you did a good thing tonight" _

Alex frowned, _"You did a good thing tonight." _Did she? Well, it was obvious that it was the right thing to do, but she was so worried that it hadn't actually changed anything. Piper was still with her asshole boyfriend, the two girls still didn't quite see eye to eye but that hadn't stopped Alex from warning her about him every chance she'd had. She felt a strange protectiveness over the blonde, even if their friendship wasn't really a strong one.

The buzz of her phone interrupted her musings, it was Nicky, as per.

**Hey, supervause, up for coming to a gig tonight? Lorna's asking I come see her play and I need a wingman ;)**

Alex rolled her eyes at the stupid nickname she'd gained after the happenings with Jason. Supervause. She did, however, agree to go to the gig. Lorna Morello was Nicky's latest obsession, the two had met at the music store where Nicky worked and it had immediately been seen as challenge by the bushy-haired teen. The band Lorna played for were actually supposed to be quite good in any case, so y'know, why not.

* * *

Piper lay on her bed, staring up at the ceiling of her room. She could hear her phone buzzing, even though it was still under the pile of clothes she'd buried it in last night. It was probably Jason, she reasoned, which was precisely why the phone was buried. He has been extremely apologetic after that night at the cinema, trying to convince her that he really didn't know he was being out of line, he thought it was what she wanted, etc. But still, she was scared. Her thoughts kept going back to Alex, she always came close to approaching her during school but she knew nothing good would come of it. That insane hatred that she thought she'd had was gone, replaced by a curiosity that she felt she couldn't fulfil.

Her and Polly had become very close friends, the kind of friends that could tell each other everything, but Piper really didn't feel like she could tell her what had happened that night.

_It had been a good few days since the incident at the movie theatre and Piper had been awaiting Alex's return to school anxiously. The hate she once felt was gone, and she couldn't help but picture the way Alex had looked lying broken on the sidewalk. A wave of guilt washed over her. _

_"Woah, what happened to supercunt?!" Polly exclaimed from beside her, they were sitting in their regular group, and none but Jason and herself knew what had transpired. She looked up at him and saw the anger on his face, obviously remembering how Piper had spoken about Alex when he approached her to apologise on the Saturday morning. Possessively he put his arm around her, she let him, not wanting to provoke any more anger. And besides, she liked the feeling of his arm around her shoulders._

_She looked over at Alex for the first time that day, seeing her eyes widen as she took in the scene, seeing the way they were acting like a happy couple. She thought she saw a flash of something in the eyes of the dark-haired girl but she wasn't really paying all that much attention to anything other than the big purple swelling that covered the left side of her face. Her breath caught in her throat. Shrugging away from Jason she started to make her way over to the girl when she felt someone grab her arm, she let Polly drag her into the girl's bathroom and tried to prepare for the onslaught of questions she was about to endure, but she still couldn't get Alex's face out of her mind._

_"Seriously Pipes what the fuck was that? You were going to go over to her? I thought you hated that bitch." _

_In that moment Piper seriously thought about revealing everything to her friend, but there was something stopping her. She was scared she had overreacted, that Jason's behaviour was actually the norm and that it had all been for nothing. She tried hard to swallow the lump in her throat and brushed it off. _

_"I dunno, Pol. I guess I just wanted to know what happened to her." _

A knock at the door snapped Piper back into reality,

"You ready?" Cal's head appeared from behind the door. Shit, she'd totally forgotten she said she'd go out with him tonight. She shot him an apologetic look;

"Give me five minutes."

Cal didn't quite have the natural ability to make friends that she had, he was a likeable guy - that much was for sure - but school was a judgemental place and she guessed the other kids thought he was a bit weird. So, when it came to doing stuff outside of school Cal usually didn't mind going it alone, but tonight there was some sort of gig on - a local band, she thought, and he'd asked her along.

Piper didn't have much experience with gigs, she wasn't that into music really, so she didn't really know what the sort of dress code was for these events. With the short amount of time she had to change, however, she just threw on the first things she could grab and they were out the door.

Nervously, Piper made her way towards the venue, letting Cal lead the way. The people hanging around the entrance, smokes in hand, were giving her an indication as to the type of music to expect for the evening. The overall theme seemed to be a grungey punk-like feel, and once they were inside the atmosphere made Piper's stomach flutter. The room was already pretty packed with people, the air thick and with an almost hazy quality, there was a song playing through the speakers that Piper felt she should recognise but couldn't quite put her finger on, it was good though, she started to nod her head in time with the rhythm. Looking over to her brother she noticed that he too had a smile on his face, she had made the right choice in coming here, a step outside her comfort zone was more than welcome at this point.

Cal had just excused himself to go to the bathroom when she heard a voice that was all too familiar.

"Hey"

She could practically hear the smirk. She turned to face Alex, a smile spread across her face as she realised that out here she could speak to who she wanted, no questions, no judgement, she was a million miles away from school. It felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, she had never felt so free as she did tonight.

She turned to face Alex, trying to contain her grin. She'd forgotten how much she'd wanted to talk to her earlier, all her apologies and thanks were bursting to get out, but as she looked at her she couldn't help but feel that now was not the time, so she figured simple was the way to go.

"Hey" she flashed back "What're you doing here, are you a fan of the band?"

Aex laughed at this, more out of surprise than anything, this was the last place she'd been expecting to see the blonde. "Nicky knows the bass player" she said, gesturing over to where Nicky was standing talking to Morello - a relatively short petite girl with dark hair and bright red lipstick.

"What about you, what brings you to this neck of the woods?"

"I'm, uh, here with my brother" Where was Cal anyway? She thought to herself

"I see"

Piper was still nodding along to the song, the other girl met her gaze and smiled, it was a smile that was impossible not to return. They just stood for a minute, she really couldn't help but sway long to the music.

"God this song is great, what is it?"

This earned her a look of disbelief. "You don't know this song?!" Piper shook her head, laughing slightly at the disbelief in Alex's voice. She started to sing along to the words, staring wide eyed in an attempt to get Piper to recognise the lyrics - which did of course lead to Piper having to stifle a giggle, Alex was many things but most definitely not a singer. She eventually gave up;

"Jeez, kid. I thought everyone knew this song. It's Patti Smith, y'know, because the night?"

She had honestly never heard it and just shrugged. "Whatever it is, it's reeally good"

This earned her another smile from Alex;

"You've got good taste."

The praise made Piper's spine tingle, she knew that she desperately wanted this girl to like her. It was kind of insane how comfortable she felt right now, so far from what she'd thought of as her comfort zone, and with the person she'd thought she hated, but it all just felt so much more real than anything she was used to, she felt more like herself right now than at any time she could remember.

It was at this point she remembered that she was currently missing her brother, shit. The first band was on stage starting to set up and she knew she had to find him before the music started. She looked up at Alex apologetically, noting the small frown on her face as the other girl noticed her own change in facial expression.

"I'm so sorry but I've got to go find my brother" She gestured around the crowded space; "He could be anywhere and I'll have no chance once the band start." Alex nodded, understanding.

Reluctantly, she took half a step into the crowd to begin her search, but then darted back to where Alex was standing. "Come find me later" she said touching the other girl's arm, before rushing off again and disappearing into the crowd.

* * *

"-Oh yeah, yeah I've heard of them actually, big guy - blonde hair? Sounds like he's having a psychotic episode?"

Alex only half listened to the conversation her friend was having with her would-be lover. Nicky had all but forgotten her existence the second the two of them clapped eyes on Lorna Morello, Alex resorted to people-watching, something that was a favourite hobby of hers in busy places such as this. She liked trying to guess peoples stories, their backgrounds, why they were here, and she was scouting the room for a potential target when she noticed a familiar head of blonde hair standing just a couple metres away. She smiled to herself, this was one person whose motives for being here she couldn't work out, and she felt drawn to her in a very powerful way.

"Hey" she had approached the girl from behind, feeling strangely nervous about the encounter. Trying very hard to keep cool, not letting her nerves show, she just kept up that famous smirk.

As the two began to talk she couldn't help but notice how easy it was, how comfortably the conversation flowed between them. This wasn't the Piper she'd met in school, gone was the rehearsed smile and glassy expression, the girl in front of her seemed so much more _alive_. She stared admiringly at the way the blonde didn't seem to be able to help herself from moving with the music, this was a Piper she wanted to see more of. Definitely.

She gasped in mock horror at Piper's confession of not knowing Patti Smith - although truthfully she was surprised, she thought it was just one of those songs that people grew up listening to - but really she was thankful for her apparent lack of musical experience, it gave her an excuse to invite her home later on, listen to some records and suchlike. Nicky was coming over too, it wasn't to be meant as a date or anything.

Alex didn't really think about her sexuality much, it wasn't really something that had been relevant in everyday life so far. Nicky had pestered her with questions from time to time but she never really gave satisfactory answers so eventually she'd given up. She didn't like to label herself, but she sure as hell liked Piper.

She was about to bring up rendezvous at her house later when she picked up a change of mood in the blonde, frowning slightly, she tried to work out what was up. Piper looked up at her apologetically, looking ready to run at any moment.

"I'm so sorry but I've got to go find my brother" It clicked into place, then. She had mentioned that she was here with her brother, but Alex had been too mesmerised by this new Piper to pick up on the fact that the brother was nowhere to be seen. She nodded in response, unable to think of anything else to say, and watched as the blonde began to leave.

Cursing herself for missing her chance to invite her back later, Alex turned to walk back to Nicky when she felt a pressure on her arm that made her insides twist.

"Come find me later." There was pleading in the girl's voice.

Alex let her face sort itself into a broad grin at this, _'Oh I will' _she thought, but Piper was gone.


	4. Ain't it Heavy

After that all-too-brief encounter the gig seemed to drag on for Piper, although the change in her was a noticeable one. Here, away from the cliques and the jocks and the pressure that came with the life she'd grown into she found the freedom exhilarating. She could reinvent herself around these people, become the cool badass Piper she'd always fantasised about being. Her eyes gleamed.

_Maybe I'll get a leather jacket._

The band were alright, she was actually finding it quite hard to focus, her mind was too busy with different things. Tall, dark haired things with glasses. She couldn't help but try to prepare herself for her later encounters with Alex Vause, if there were to be any, although somehow she knew there would be. She could just sense that Alex would find her later, there was still the niggling anxiety that the two would never have another conversation, but to Piper it seemed as if the whole thing was - in some way -_ inevitable_.

She felt like it was her first day at school all over again; rehearsing what she'd say to impress the cool kids. Without being able to say exactly why, she really wanted Alex to like her. She wanted to impress her, to be her friend. This wasn't exactly a new feeling for Piper; she generally wanted as many people to like her as was humanly possible - and she was no stranger to craving praise - but something was different. There was more urgency here. The intense hatred that she'd once felt for Alex had all but disappeared, it seemed silly now, but now that she was no longer in an actual face to face conversation with the other girl a strange annoyance was bubbling up. It was almost like she was annoyed at Alex for not giving her the attention she wanted from her. However, she was excited by the prospects of their friendship all the same, so she pushed these thoughts aside and tried to focus on the music. Pretending she wasn't more interested in the part of her evening that was going to come after.

Cal excused himself after the gig and just headed home, something Piper was very thankful for - she was young and in her teens and still very much buying into the whole thing about hanging around with siblings 'cramping your style', or whatever you want to call it. Nicky, too, seemed to have checked out before Alex reached her, although Piper didn't know where she had gone, her absence was another relief because - although she'd never admit it - she found the bushy haired girl rather intimidating.

And then there were two.

Surprisingly, once they got past the initial social barrier (which they found was pretty much non-existent in the world outside of school), conversation between them flowed easily. Despite not having all that much in common they soon found that each was very interested in what the other had to say; it was a natural kind of chemistry, and it made Piper feel alive. Talking to Alex, she was more animated and lively than she had been since she was a kid. She rose to the taller girl's taunts and more often than not replied with a swift jab on the arm. Things with Alex felt so vibrant and dangerous it was almost intoxicating, and Piper was itching to get drunk on it.

* * *

As she listened to Piper talking Alex found herself taken aback by how comfortable she felt. As a rule, she wasn't a people person. And although she prided herself in her ability to not let people get to her it was a rare occasion when she actually found someone she was comfortable being around.

The two girls talked the entire way back to the flat Alex shared with her mother, and Piper just kept talking. She failed to notice the way Alex studied her for a reaction as they approached her neighbourhood. There had been far too many judgemental assholes commenting on where she lived and it had gotten to the point where if someone so much as mentioned it she was done with them. It seemed a bit harsh, she knew, but she was so fiercely proud and defensive over how hard her mother worked to keep them in this place that if anyone knocked it they were out. She half listened to whatever Piper was rambling on about, secretly nervous of being judged, but breathed a sigh of relief when she passed through the threshold to the apartment building completely unphased. She wasn't sure why but she really didn't want to cut this other girl out of her life, definitely not yet.

_There was a half-hearted round of applause as Lorna's band went on stage, leaving Nicky free of distraction and returned to Alex Vause. _

_"So, Vause, I saw you chatting up your damsel in distress over there." Nicky gave an over-exaggerated wink, and grinned with satisfaction when she noticed the slight flush of pink to her usually stone-cold friend's cheeks. _

_"Shut up you loser, you know it's not like that." Alex cursed herself for letting Nicholls see her flustered. She didn't even know why she was flustered in the first place, she was just talking to a friend - one she barely knew at that, and one who was very much not available._

_There was a glint in the eye of her bushy-haired best friend. "Yeah, well, whatever you say. I'm gonna have to take a rain check for this evening anyhow, the lovely Lorna and I are, uh, going somewhere." _

_"You fucking dog! How will I possibly recover from being deserted in such a way." Alex put her hand over her heart at this, feigning offense, but secretly she was relieved. Her plan to invite Piper over was suddenly seeming so much more exciting. She knew it was petty and stupid to let herself develop any sort of crush on the blonde, but there was just something about her..._

* * *

The tall figure of Alex Vause was hunched over a series of boxes containing her mother's old record collection, muttering an apology about the mess the flat was in. Piper was only half listening, she couldn't help but notice that this girl was beautiful. Like, seriously hot. A wave of jealousy washed over her, was it jealousy? Piper brushed past the uncertainty, she was clearly jealous of this dark-haired girl, her best friend. Over a year had passed since she'd first been to the flat Alex and her mother lived in, but even that first time it had felt familiar to her. With the dirty clothes on the sofa and mess in the kitchen it felt so much more lived in than her own home, something that was immensely comforting in a strange sort of way, and she had quickly become accustomed to spending her time there.

"Do you want to pick something?" Alex looked round at her, snapping her out of her daydream.

_"Me? No, I don't mind, just put on whatever." Piper was eager to see what sort of music Alex was into, even though she wasn't much of a music buff herself. She was still buzzing from the excitement of the gig, and although she felt nervous as hell she wasn't letting it get to her. She wanted to be here, she was happy to be here, it didn't matter what her friends would think, they never had to know. She ignored the buzzing of her phone in her pocket. _

_"Listen to this, I think you'll like it." She received a knowing look from Alex as a soft driving melody filled the room. Without thinking, she started to move with the music. _

_"This is good" She said, swaying in time. "Like, really good. What is it?" _

_"Ah Piper, you have so much to learn." She shot a smirk in the direction of the blonde and shrugged; "This is , I knew it'd be your thing." Alex just stood there, leaning against the wall, smiling at the small triumph of guessing Piper's music taste. She had to admit, it wasn't hard, and she was good at this sort of thing. _

_"You're awfully cocky for someone who looked all nervous inviting me over here." Piper met Alex's gaze, there was a moment of silence before both girls began to laugh. From that moment, they became almost inseparable. _

"You know I don't mind Al, just put on whatever you feel like." Piper flopped lazily onto the sofa, watching Alex remove the vinyl from its sleeve. This had become routine, and it was one that the two girls had slipped into with ease. Piper enjoyed Alex's company, it was easy, there wasn't the constant tension that she found with her other friends, she wasn't afraid to be left alone with her - they had plenty to talk about. It was just effortless, really.

She knew Polly didn't approve, "Supercunt" she had dubbed her. The nickname always made her laugh because of the similarities between it and the one Nicky had given her, "Supervause", although she much preferred the latter.

It was Friday night and most of her friends were at a party up on fifth, Piper hadn't felt like going much to start with and so when Alex asked her over she grabbed onto the opportunity with both hands. The parties she went to all ended up being exactly the same, same fake girls trying far too hard to look older than they are, same gropey guys, same possessive boyfriend. Jason. She really should've broken it off with him before anything really started, she knew, but sixteen and naive she was a coward. She liked him, or at least she convinced herself she did, and she didn't complain when he kissed her, touched her, even though his hot heavy breath made her stomach turn, even though she felt overwhelmed by guilt the second he left and she could never work out why. Her mother liked him, he was popular, she was lucky to have him. At least that's what she told herself anyway. Her and Alex didn't talk about Jason, but Piper just knew that she knew what was really going on. She used to warn her against him, and there was always that night after the cinema, but now they just glazed over the subject, pretended he didn't exist. It worked, most of the time. Her and Jason didn't talk about Alex, he was afraid of her, although he'd never admit it, and the one time Piper mentioned her - only in passing - her flipped out, it was enough to make her learn to watch her tongue. He didn't know where she was tonight he probably wouldn't even notice she was missing.

Alex watched as Piper played with the buttons on her phone, looking lost in thought. She was the only real best friend she'd ever had, I mean, Nicky came pretty close, but the two didn't have quite the same connection that she shared with Piper. These past few months she'd actually surprised herself with how much she'd opened up to the girl, she, stone-hearted Alex Vause; tough as nails and 99% sarcasm. She was absolutely intoxicated by this girl, she just wanted to protect her and make her smile, hell, she _loved_ Piper Chapman. It was obviously just as a friend, she told herself. It had become common practice to deny the crush she'd been nursing since their friendship had started. She didn't have feelings for anyone, not like that.

It wasn't like she was a virgin, she'd experimented, done stuff with girls, not that Piper knew that though. She was pretty sure she still thought she was straight for crying out loud! It wasn't as if she was the virgin Mary herself Alex reckoned, not with that boyfriend of hers. Fucking asshole. Every time he crossed her mind she just froze over, remembering the events after the cinema that time, she felt sick to her stomach at the thought of him touching Piper, leering all over her with his hot breath and heavy hands. She shuddered, needing a distraction from where her mind had been wandering she started to talk, asking Piper the first thing that came into her head, just begging for a distraction.

"Okay, so, what do you wanna do? We could watch a movie, or I've got some smokes - we could go out to the roof..." There was a playful edge to her voice, she was just pushing Piper with that last bit, knowing she'd never go for it.

"Alex." Piper had her stern voice on, it was no secret that she wasn't a fan of Alex's bad habits, but her pitiful attempt at being serious always just ended in laughter from the both of them.

They eventually settled on just watching a movie, although they had an unspoken agreement that not much actual paying attention would be done, the two always seemed to spend the entire movie talking and making jokes - no matter what they put on.

_The hours had passed without either of the two girls noticing, they had sat watching movie after movie and suddenly it seemed to be way past one in the morning. It was Piper who noticed first, glancing at the clock on the wall before jolting upright. Shit. She checked her phone, sure that she would have to face multiple angry messages from her mother, but there was nothing. Odd, Cal must've covered for her. But still, she should really be getting home. She looked over at Alex, who was still glued to the TV, she hadn't noticed the sudden change of posture from the other girl. Piper couldn't help but just look at her for a minute. In the dark of the living room, the glow of the TV was the only thing illuminating her face and there was just something about the scene that made it impossible to look away. The feeling of adventure and invincibility that the earlier gig had given Piper had faded with the hours, but the sight of her new-found friend still made her chest swell with some unknown emotion. Who would have thought that she would find herself sitting in the living room of the infamous Alex Vause, or rather, who would have thought that she would be having such a good time. She had never felt a connection like this with anyone, it was so completely bizarre how comfortable they were around each other. _

_After what seemed like an eternity of just staring Alex's head turned towards her and she received one of the most honest smiles she'd ever seen, she was sure that she could feel the blush starting in her toes - working its way up to her cheeks. _

_"I should, uh, probably be going..." Piper moved to get up, her reluctance showing in her voice._

_Alex took a long look at her watch before replying; "Oh no you don't, it's like the middle of the night - I'm not going to let you walk that far right now, you can stay here." The way she said it made it clear that leaving right now was not an option, although it wasn't as if Piper needed much persuading, the evening felt so surreal in the best possible way and she was most certainly not ready for it to be over yet._

_Relieved, she sat back down beside the dark-haired girl, getting out her phone to send a quick text to her mother to assure her she was alright, and her eyes settled once again on the screen. _

_It really was strange how she had just fallen into feeling comfortable here._

* * *

It was about a half-hour into the film when there was a knock on the door. Well, not so much of a knock as a series out loud bangs. The girls exchanged a glance before Piper shrugged;

"Nicky?" She suggested, not even trying to hide the hope in her voice. Alex could tell that she was a little scared. She frowned, protective-mode kicking in.

"I don't think so, kid. Could've sworn she was out tonight."

There was another series of bangs, Alex now moving towards the door. She looked around for something to defend herself with - it wasn't uncommon for one of her mom's less than lovely male acquaintances to make an appearance now and then so she was preparing for one such encounter, but there was no prospective weaponry to be seen. Carefully, she put on the chain and opened the door just a fraction of the way.

_Fuck._

_FUCK._

"Piper..."

She turned, her eyes cold.

"...It's for you."

* * *

The door swung open, revealing a stumbling Jason Armitt. Piper froze to the spot.

_Fuck._

_FUCK._

She had no idea how he'd found out she was here, or even how he knew where Alex lived, she anticipated the panic taking over her body, and was extremely surprised to find it didn't come, she was rooted to the spot not out of fear but out of anger, outrage, how _dare_ he spoil her evening, how _dare_ he come here.

"Missed you at the party tonight, _Pipes_." He spat out the nickname, moving towards her. She couldn't help but notice how Alex moved to intercept him, hovering by her side.

"Don't call me that." Her own voice sounded alien, it came out low and calm but with a harsh quality she hadn't heard in it before. It brought back memories of her mother, the way her and father spoke to each other. She felt her hands ball into fists.

"Having fun with your lesbi-friend?" He knocked into a coffee table, gesturing to Alex; "You know she's just a fucking loser dyke right?" Laughing, he started to move towards Alex, a twisted kind of humour showing in his eyes.

"You're drunk, leave." Piper couldn't be bothered with this right now, she really did not want to be anywhere near him, and hearing him talk about Alex like that just gave her a whole new type of anger. This guy was a jerk, a real fucking asshat, she just wanted him to go, to never see him again. She couldn't even bring herself to look at Alex, knowing what her reaction would be.

"C'mon baby, don't be that way you're mine and-" He had closed the gap between them alarmingly fast despite his inebriated state, his hand reaching out to touch her face, but there was Alex. Again. Piper could tell that she was preparing for another stand-off, to defend her again. She was shaking with rage now, she didn't need anyone defending her, she could take care of herself, she wouldn't just watch wide-eyed as someone else fought her battles for her, not again.

Before she knew what she was doing she had stepped past Alex and was face to face with Jason. She could smell the beer on his breath as he tried to focus on her, it was obvious that he'd had too much to drink but she just really did not care, she was sick of this, of all of it.

"How dare you come here." There was that voice again, menacing and cold.

"What do you think I am? Your fucking plaything? You don't own me, Jason. I'm not yours. You don't get to decide who I choose to spend time with. You don't get to act so fucking superior, you cannot talk about her like that! You cannot talk to me like that! You don't fucking own me Jason don't you realise that?" There was a hysterical side to her voice now, she watched as he realised he was in trouble.

"You should realise how lucky you are to have me!" His wounded ego was evident in the way he talked, extravagantly throwing his arms wide and knocking a lamp in the process. He was a joke. She took a step closer, looking him right in the eyes.

She made sure her voice was level before speaking.

" You are ridiculous. Go home Jason, it's over." Piper could only imagine the way the anger showed in her eyes, she could tell her gaze was burning him. He was past being confused now and was just plain angry, she pounded her fists off his chest and shoved as hard as she could, trying to move him in the direction of the door. He broke away from her, trying once again to assert his dominance in a pathetic last stand.

"No! You don't get to decide that, fuck you anyway you frigid bitch! I get to decide when it's over, it was my decision, I was going to do it anyway! Fucking whore, go fuck your dyke you lesbo freak!"

The door slammed. There was a second of silence before Piper looked over at Alex, the expression on her face could only be described as pure disbelief.

* * *

Watching Piper stand up to her - now ex - boyfriend had put Alex into a state of shock, this was most certainly not the Piper she had befriended a year ago. This Piper was cold and ruthless and she really could not stop thinking about how attractive those qualities were on her. Piper Chapman, ice queen extraordinaire. Jeez. She loved protecting her friend but she had to admit it was a little relieving to know that the girl could fend for herself. This new side of the blonde was so distracting that Alex hadn't even noticed Jason's pitiful attempts at insulting her, they were insignificant.

The way Piper looked at Alex after their drunken visitor had taken his leave left her feeling like someone had made her swallow a lit match. Fuck. She just looked so fucking proud of herself. Defiant, almost. Trying to make sense of what was going on, Alex just laughed as the blonde went on about what had just happened, she excitedly went over how fucking 'badass' she felt. It became clear that she'd been wanting rid of the boyfriend for quite some time.

It took some time for the excitement to die down, but eventually the two were quiet. Alex noted the sly look on Piper's face as she turned towards her again.

"I'll have that smoke now." She was definitely feeling rebellious, and quite possibly invincible, this was a very un-Piper thing to do, Alex was always one to encourage experimentation, but she couldn't miss the chance to do a little teasing first.

"Really?" She widened her eyes in faux shock; "What happened to your lungs turning black the second a cigarette touches your lips?" Unabashedly, she laughed at her own joke, hoping Piper wouldn't take it the wrong way, but not really caring all that much.

"Alright alright very funny. Just give me a cigarette okay?"

Removing a pack of smokes and a lighter from her pocket, Alex began to lead Piper towards the roof, smirking at the influence she had over the girl.

They walked in single file down the corridor that led to the stairwell, and to Alex it felt like the air between them was electric, practically crackling with tension. It felt like she was in a movie, or sitting watching this happen to someone else. She had never experienced this kind of attraction before. She stopped before the door and turned, overcome with a need to look at the girl behind her, and her breath caught in her throat when she realised the two had been standing much closer together than she had thought. Her stomach was doing backflips.

"Alex? Why are we just standing here, open the door already!"

Looking at Piper, it seemed that Alex had never felt so nervous. Everything was just so surreal. Before she knew what was happening she was closing the gap between them, her hands found the blonde's face and brought it to hers, as their lips crashed together it felt like every nerve ending in her body was a fuse and they had all been lit at once. Feeling the way their lips moved together, the need conveyed there was almost explicit. It was the most honestly passionate thing she had ever experienced, and it was over far too soon.

* * *

Piper had been trying to ignore the tension between her and Alex during the walk up to the roof, but everything had happened so fast and before she knew what was going on they were kissing! Her chest felt like it was about to burst. She was being burned from the inside out, except, there was no pain. She held on tight to the girl in front of her, wanting to be as close as was physically possible and needing to be closer. The kiss was messy and rough but it was perfect, oh god, it was the most perfect thing in the world. Piper had never been kissed like this, never felt like this. She felt a small moan escape her lips and froze. The sound had a sobering effect and reality was crashing down on her, she was kissing Alex. Alex had kissed her. A woman. Her best friend.

Fuck.

She couldn't breathe, as she started to back away she tried to mutter an apology, but she didn't get very far before she was gone. Once she was out of the building she started to run, she had no idea where she was going but she just needed to move. She needed to think.

The image of Alex's face as she'd stuttered out an apology was burned into the back of her mind, the expression in her eyes was the embodiment of panic but there was something else there too. Piper couldn't bring herself to think about how much she'd just hurt one of the people she cared about most, she couldn't bring herself to think about why she cared so much, her feelings, it was all far too much. She just ran until she couldn't think any more.


	5. Chrome Plated Heart

The months went by and the two spent many more nights together, although after that night Piper didn't ask for any more cigarettes, and they never spoke about that kiss. As senior year rolled in they seemed on good terms, but there was this unspoken awkwardness between them. Piper couldn't help but feel as if Alex was slipping away. She was becoming more and more distant and it was driving her insane, she had no idea what she had done to push the girl away but she couldn't stand losing her. Piper had had several more 'boyfriends' in the past few months, but it never felt quite right with them, it was always just bland. She didn't let herself think about the passion her and Alex had shared that night, she told herself it was a mistake although she didn't really believe that.

She completely failed to see the pattern that was emerging; Piper would start to see a boy, they would go on a few dates, faux happiness, and she would try to convince herself that she was crazy about the guy. Meanwhile, Alex would hear about this and it would spark a series of one night stands and nights of drunken chain-smoking. Piper would be mad at Alex for being so irresponsible, and Alex would be mad at everyone, just because she could. The two would become irritated and get driven apart. Then, Piper and her boyfriend would break up. 'Devastated', she would go to Alex craving comfort, and Alex found she was helpless to resist. On and on the cycle would go, and the more time passed the more Alex deteriorated. Before long she had become little more than a burnout, and Piper had started to see more of her old friends again. Still, they never talked about that kiss.

Although she tried to kid herself into not knowing what was wrong, Piper still lay awake at nights, thinking about the girl who - no matter how far apart they drifted - she couldn't bring herself to stop referring to as her best friend.

* * *

Alex woke to the sound of snoring grating against her pounding headache, she had that brief moment of panic that comes with waking up in an unfamiliar place before letting out a groan. She hadn't meant to stay over. Careful not to wake the sleeping girl next to her she got up and retrieved last night's clothes from around the room. Trying not to remember whatever sexual encounter she'd had with the redhead on the bed.

She lit a cigarette and started the long walk back home. Was it Wednesday? She thought, frowning, Thursday maybe? Either way there was no way she was going to make it into school today. She couldn't deal with that. She took out her phone to check the time, ignoring today's messages.

**08:05. Hey**

**09:10. ?**

**09:30. Alex? **

Half of her wanted to text Piper back, to see her, but she knew she couldn't do that. She was still too damn mad, she didn't even know who she was mad at anymore. She wasn't mad at Piper for breaking off the kiss, if she didn't want to kiss her that was fine, she could deal with that, it was just the fact that they hadn't even talked about it. They just acted like it had never happened, brushed it under the rug. Alex had guessed by now that it was an example of the way she was influenced by her mother, although she'd never met the woman. That was another thing, half of the time it was like Piper was ashamed to be her friend.

She lit another cigarette, fumbling with the lighter in a frustrated rush.

That same half of Alex wanted to apologise for kissing her, to call her up and just say that she was sorry, that she hated how everything had changed, that she missed her. But apologies didn't come easy to Alex Vause, she was stubborn, and 'sorry' was one of those things she felt she should never need to say.

It was impossible to deny the way she loved Piper, it had become impossible ever since that kiss, however long ago it was and however many girls she had kissed since, it didn't make any difference. She had never felt anything like that before, and she hadn't been able to get the blonde out of her head since. She _knew_ she'd felt it too, whatever it was.

Angrily she kicked a stone across the sidewalk, _Jesus fucking Christ_, she thought to herself, _I am pretty much the master at handling things completely wrong_.

Her phone buzzed again, sparking another fresh bout of anger, she quickly removed it from her pocket, ready to tell Piper to leave her alone. However, looking at the name on the screen, she felt both relieved and slightly disappointed, Nicky.

**Party on Friday, you're coming. C'mon Vause, you've got to quit moping around - it's ruining my style. **

Alex was ready to refuse, when she started to think about it. A party would probably be a good idea, and it had been a while since she'd seen Nicky. The whole thing would be a good distraction. She typed back, agreeing to go, and continued to make her way home, trying not to think.

* * *

"Pipes? Are you listening?"

Piper snapped out of her daydream and stared at Larry for a moment before assuring him that she was indeed listening. Larry was her latest squeeze, and the way he used her nickname really grated on her last nerve. He was a nice enough guy, and she did like him - well, she liked the convenience, the comfort - but he was always going on about his dream to move to New York and become a writer. She'd heard it all before, and it was becoming tiresome, so she had a tendency to drift off and get lost in thought.

It was the same when they 'made love'. He was just boring, bland. She always felt like they were just going through the motions, although he seemed to enjoy it well enough. It was easy for her to imagine a life with him, and that terrified her, she could see it all planned out. A life without passion, without excitement. She sighed, trying for the hundredth time that day not to think about Alex.

She didn't know what had happened between them, well, that was a lie, and one she told herself frequently. She couldn't stop herself from being angry, angry at Alex for ignoring her, for just slipping away, and angry at herself for not being able to face up to what's really going on. She had gotten accustomed to reminding herself she was straight multiple times daily, feigning disgust at any thoughts she had that veered from that path. However, she had started noticing things about the girls around her, the curve of their hips, the way they moved, the way their lips looked when they talked, she found herself comparing them all to Alex, trying to find bits of her in them. Trying to figure out her feelings made her sick with nerves, so she put it off for as long as possible.

"So, will you come?"

She looked up again, feeling guilty for not listening to her boyfriend.

"Where are we going?" She asked, not really all that interested in the answer.

"Pete's having a party on Friday, I kinda already told him we'd be there" Her feelings of guilt intensified as she noticed how apologetic he sounded.

"Sure" She made a point of smiling widely, the same smile she'd been practicing all her life; fake, fake, fake. "A party sounds great."

He seemed satisfied with this response and leaned in for a kiss.

"You know what else sounds great?" He said in between kisses, the word 'sex' was pretty much plastered all over his face.

_Why am I doing this_, she thought to herself, surrendering to another night of copulation that is almost guaranteed to be as exciting as the colour beige.


	6. Unusual Kiss, An

The house was already heaving with people by the time Nicky and Alex arrived and she found herself wondering why they were invited, Pete was on the football team and a jock through and through, not exactly the kind of guy to associate with the 'burnouts' of the school. She then felt a sudden stab of fear as she realised that the chances of Piper being here were actually quite high. She quickly swallowed this fear however, choosing anger instead, but all was concealed beneath her ice cold exterior. She had come here to have a good time with Nicky, oh and of course to get really fucking drunk, and that was exactly what she was going to do.

Upon entering the party she found that Pete was clearly not one to discriminate, well, either that or his party planning had just gotten out of control. Everyone from every social group in their year appeared to be here, along with a bunch of older kids, and it really was the typical high school party - complete with red plastic cups.

They had enough experience of parties to know where the real fun was, Alex moved swiftly through the house, knowing Nicky would follow, she was heading upstairs, following the scent of weed that made a trail to one of the guest bedrooms. She made a point of not looking around, if Piper was here - she knew she was, she didn't know how she knew, she just did - then she really didn't know if she could handle that right now. However, she wondered if the blonde could sense her presence as on her way across the living room she heard her name spoken in a voice that was all too familiar, it was accompanied by a hand on her shoulder which she quickly shrugged off as she continued to walk. She had almost picked up the pace and ran upstairs, but she didn't want to lose her cool, she had no idea what it was about the blonde but she could get to her in a way that nobody else could.

"Jeez, what's going on with you two? You guys've got more drama than an episode of the L word."

Nicky had moved to walk next to her, she hadn't told her what had been going on with her and Piper but she was pretty sure she'd worked it out. The comment just earned her a look that said 'very funny'.

"Whatever Vause, rule number one: don't fall for a straight girl."

They had reached the source of the smell by this point and Alex gladly took the opportunity for a change of topic, they took a seat and waiting for the joint to come round, listening to buzz of nonsense conversation going on around them.

* * *

Piper was extremely drunk and very bored. She was bored of sitting on the sofa with Larry, she was bored of Polly's gossip and she was bored of this stupid party. She just really wanted to _dance_. She got up and made a beeline for the kitchen, planning on getting another cup of whatever had been left lying around, when she saw a very familiar figure heading towards the stairs. As she started to move towards her - tripping over someone's leg in the process - all she could think about was how fast her heart was beating. Everything was slightly blurry around the edges for Piper when she reached out to Alex, grabbing hold of her shoulder. She called out her name but whether or not it actually came out right she really couldn't say. She felt a familiar pricking behind her eyes when Alex just ignored her and walked away, leaving her standing looking like an idiot.

_Yeah well screw you_, Piper thought, her temper was starting to show. She couldn't believe that she had gone from being ecstatic due to Alex's presence to feeling like this in a matter of seconds, she couldn't believe that her best friend in the entire world, who pretty much knew her better than she knew herself, had just blew her off like they'd never met. She couldn't stop herself from noticing how good she looked though, hot but in a grunge-y way; skin tight jeans with Dr Martens boots and a faded band shirt that hung off one shoulder.

_Fucking hell Piper get a grip of yourself._

She was definitely feeling the need for another drink now and continued along her path to the kitchen.

With her head swimming with images of Alex, Larry had been completely forgotten, and so had her attempts at convincing herself that she was straight. She had the sudden desire to hook up with a girl. Unfortunately, the girl she had in mind didn't seem to want to talk to her, so she set about finding a substitute.

It didn't take long for her to get to the point where she was getting cosy with some girl on the dance floor, some girl who was pretty tall and had almost the right shade of hair. Everyone wanted to experiment at parties, but she was past the point of telling herself that that was what she was doing. Half of her hoped Alex would come downstairs and see her like this, the other half was petrified of that same thing happening.

A few seconds later someone grabbed her arm and she was pulled away from the makeshift 'dance floor', and for some reason that she didn't really know the source of she started to laugh. In reality she had this ball of hurt and regret like hot lead at the pit of her stomach, and everything she intended on doing that night was in an attempt to block it out. She turned, expecting the hand that had grabbed her to be attached to Alex Vause, but instead she was facing a very furious Polly Harper. (The phrase 'if looks could kill' comes to mind).

"_What_ do you think you're doing?" Her voice came out almost as a hiss. Piper didn't manage to give her an answer longer than "I-" before she started giving her the full blown lecture.

"You came here with Larry, remember Larry? The nice _guy_ who's getting pretty fucking pissed at the fact that instead of paying any attention to him you're practically dry humping some girl in the middle of the room!"

"I just-"

"And it's not even supercunt, I mean, that's the really surprising part, we'd all been expecting it for quite a while and-"

"_Polly._" Piper was using that tone that could cut glass, she tried to form a justifiable argument in her head but her drunken thinking was too sloppy, she just needed Polly to get off her back. Jeez, sometimes she was worse than her mother.

"This is my life, I want to experiment, to try new things. I came to this stupid party to have a good time and god damnit that is what I'm going to do. I _need_ this Polly, please just understand."

The drunken speech didn't have the effect Piper was hoping it would, Polly just narrowed her eyes. The two girls stared like this for a minute, some sort of silent stand-off, before Piper broke it off;

"Yeah well screw you anyway." She stormed back into the living room, her mind was clouded by anger and she knew she was being irrational but by this point she had gone too far to stop now. In a matter of seconds she was once again in front of the girl she had been dancing with earlier, except this time she just grabbed her and pulled her into a kiss. It was rough and messy but it just felt wrong, the girl's mouth brought a bitter taste and Piper's chest contracted in a way that was far from pleasant. This was all wrong. She felt nothing, it meant nothing, there was no fire, no passion, she was just drunk and stupid. She broke away from the kiss, feeling tears prick at the back of her eyes. Her head was swimming, she didn't know if she was going to throw up or cry or both, but she sure as hell needed to get out of here.

It took her a moment to register that the two had got a few stares, she hadn't heard the catcalls either, she looked towards the exit and froze. Alex was staring back at her, she could tell from the expression on her face that she'd seen the whole thing; she just looked defeated, ready to give up. Piper couldn't stand that, she was so used to the strong Alex, the one who defended her, who she had never seen flinch at an insult or a harsh comment. This one look at the vulnerable, scared Alex was too much for her to bear. She couldn't believe that she was the reason behind that face. Quickly she rushed to the door, her face already wet with tears, she pushed past Alex and didn't stop until she felt the cool air on her skin. She just felt so helpless, so angry at herself for fucking everything up this bad. In a fit of manic rage she punched at the wall until her knuckles bled, and then collapsed, a sobbing mess against the porch. She needed to go home, there was nothing for her here now.

* * *

Alex watched as the girl she loved latched onto another woman across the room. She didn't even feel like she was looking at this from her own eyes, she felt so detached; this couldn't be happening. She had imagined scenes like this before, lying in bed at night trying not to even think of Piper at all, but she had never thought that it'd be with a woman. She could deal with her being straight, that was fine, it was out of her control, she just needed to move on. But this? Was she really naive enough to think that if Piper ever decided to be with a woman it'd be her? _Fuck_. She couldn't even move, couldn't look away, she just watched them kissing. Her insides felt hollow, like the months of anger and jealousy had burned them out. It was obvious that she had broken her classic aesthetic, her cool exterior was long gone, it was all she could do to stop the tears coming right then.

_You have no right to feel like this_

_She was never yours, you shouldn't have let yourself get so attached._

She told herself, letting the words run round her head in an attempt to keep cool.

It seemed like an eternity before Piper looked up, met her gaze. She could see how drunk she was, she could see the regret in her eyes, the panic that she has practically trained herself to spot over the past couple years, but she just didn't care. She was stuck in her own head at the moment, logical thinking seemed impossible, and as far as Alex was concerned there was no excuse she could make. She watched as the blonde rushed past her and practically ran to the door, slamming it shut behind her.

She couldn't go home now, she couldn't be alone. She needed comfort, a friend, a hell of a lot of drinks.

Well, she shrugged, heading in the direction of the kitchen, one out of three isn't bad.


	7. Yes I Am

Piper woke up late the next morning, the taste of stale vomit lingered in her mouth from the night before. There were the few seconds of bliss before the crushing reality of what she'd done crashed down on her, it felt like she couldn't breathe. All she could do was picture Alex's face, she wanted to see her, to tell her she was sorry, to tell her she didn't mean it, she didn't mean anything. She held back a sob as she curled up into a ball under the duvet, before flinching as her knuckles scraped across the fabric_. I'm such a fucking idiot_, she cursed herself, what had happened to her last night? She wasn't like this, she wasn't angry and manic and jealous and she wasn't fucking crazy. Or maybe she was, she just didn't know anymore.

Bracing herself, she reached for her phone, trying to work out if she'd sent any texts after she got home last night, hell, she didn't even remember _getting_ home last night.

**Larry (1)**

**I guess it's over then. Thanks a lot, Piper, what a great fucking party.**

**Polly (4)**

**Are you alive?**

**I'm still pissed at you by the way**

**Text me back bitch, I'm worrying about you**

**Piper!**

Her breath hitched in her throat as she read the last name, dreading what the text would contain;

**Alex (1) **

She waited a minute before opening it, trying to prepare herself for what it could say.

**We need to talk.**

She let out a sigh of relief, she wanted to talk! This was better than ignoring her at least, but then the familiar panic started to set in. She didn't know if she was ready to talk to Alex about what was going on with them, she didn't know if she was ready to talk to anyone, but then she figured that last night pretty much threw ready out of the window. She needed to talk to Alex or she was just going to lose her, and that was something she really couldn't bear.

**I'm coming over, now. **

Sending the message she threw her phone down on the bed, not bothering to wait for a reply. She felt like death but somehow had retained that reckless fire, it was all or nothing now and the thought of fighting her way into a second chance with this girl was enough to motivate her to put on some clothes and leave the house. She felt as though she radiated determination, no Alex wasn't an option. A life without her is unthinkable, and there was no way she was going to let that happen.

* * *

As she turned onto Alex's street, Piper noticed a figure by the steps leading up to her door. Tall and slender, cigarette in one hand and phone in the other, she suspected that she was holding it just for something to do with her hands rather than because she actually intended to use it. A lump formed in Piper's throat, keeping up this determined, defiant aura was definitely going to be more difficult than she thought. It actually became increasingly difficult the closer she got to the figure, she noticed that she still had the remnants of last night's eyeliner scattered along her eyelids, marvelled at the way she still managed to look so damn sexy in sweat pants and an old shirt. Although, her sleepless nights had become plain on her face. She had that unbreakable cold exterior thing going on again, making Piper feel so nervous that she almost turned and ran.

"Alex..." She looked into the other girl's eyes, trying to find something, anything that suggested that the girl was happy to see her, that she wanted her to be here. There was just a faint flicker, the faux-cool was well practiced, her emotions had become easy to hide, but that flicker was enough to convince Piper that this was all worthwhile. Hell, all she needed to do was look at Alex to know it was worthwhile. It was undeniable that the air became electric when the two of them were together, they had something different, something that was impossible to give up.

"Don't fucking do that Piper, don't think that you can just look at me with those big Bambi eyes of yours and it'll all go away." She stubbed out her cigarette, moving closer to the blonde. "I'm so fucking pissed at you, you seem to think that you're like this fucking golden girl or something, that you can do no wrong, well what about my fucking feelings Piper? What about me? Do you like not care at all because that's sure as hell what it's been feeling like lately."

This had been what Piper was expecting, the anger, the accusations, but it still stung, even though she knew she deserved it. She could feel her temper rising.

"You honestly think I think of myself like that? How could you say I don't care - of course I care, you're a pretty big part of my fucking life Alex, or at least you were before you decided to ignore me for, like, months!"

She regretted the words as soon as she'd spoken, she knew it was her fault, she knew everything was her fault, but sometimes it was just really hard not to give in to her own anger, she was getting caught up in the moment. Alex just stared at her, obviously wondering how she could be so fucking selfish. Well, y'know what, fuck her.

"I mean yeah, I stormed out on you, but that was one time! And you had just kissed me for Christ's sake, I was terrified!" She had taken a step towards the taller woman, the tension between them was building as their anger grew.

"You were terrified? Oh give me a break" Alex rolled her eyes, "You enjoyed that kiss as much as I did, you felt something there and I'm pretty damn sure you still feel it now. We have something Piper, so don't try all your straight girl bullshit on me, you were certainly singing a different tune last night."

Piper's frustration was building at this, she clenched her fists, ignoring the shooting pain that ran up her arm from her knuckles. She couldn't believe that Alex was trying to tell her how she felt, and the fact that she had it all down to a tee made it all the more frustrating. How could she argue against this girl and her fucking Jedi mind tricks?

"Fuck you." She took another step towards Alex, the two were mere inches apart now. "Fuck you and your fucking stupid cocky _bullshit_!" She was really losing the argument now, and she knew it. Piper ran her tensed fingers through her hair, taking a minute to make an attempt at thinking before completely ignoring herself and prodding her extended index finger into Alex's chest, forcing her back against the wall.

"You just do this to people all the time, you read them and you try and get inside their heads and I have no idea how but it just works, okay? You are so god damn frustrating it makes my entire body ache, and it's even worse because you know you're doing it, oh, you know _exactly_ what you're doing."

Throughout this exchange Piper had somehow managed to end up gripping the collar of Alex's shirt with white knuckles. They were standing so close now that they could practically taste each other's breath, and the heat of the exchange was driving them both insane. Piper bit down hard on her bottom lip as she felt Alex's hands tighten around her waist.

"Tell me it's not true then." Alex urged, there was fire in her eyes as she looked down at the blonde, the look she was receiving was pretty much pure desire. Piper had to hold back a shiver as the dark haired girl moved one of her hands to the small of her back, sliding under her shirt until she was touching skin. "Tell me you don't feel anything right now."

It was impossible not to let on how much this was driving her insane, there were a hell of a lot of butterflies in her stomach and it was taking all of her willpower not to just close the couple of centimetres gap between them and kiss her. Her anger had most definitely been forgotten by this point, and although she wanted to try and play the game, she knew Alex had already won.

"Fuck you, Vause." She mumbled, somehow her other hand had found its way into Alex's hair and was pulling her forward. She could feel the other girl's smirk against her lips before she forced them open into another passionate kiss. She had no idea how everything that had been going on had been forgotten, but she couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't over yet, that there would still be things to answer for later. However, in that moment, she really didn't care.


End file.
